Sunday, September 7, 2014

Holy Messes

Today has been a good day.   The hubby and I spent the majority of our time snuggling my sweet little ones. We sat thisclose on the couch and caught up on MasterChef (one show we can agree on!)  In between the giggles of my babies and the snarky wit of Gordon Ramsey, I fought the voice in the back of my head that told me I had better things to do.  Certainly, I could be more productive.  Other women wouldn't be caught dead lying on the couch in the middle of the afternoon while their home certainly deserved some attention.  I always seem to struggle because I have always (ask my mother) had the capacity for stepping over the messes, for working around the laundry that needs to be put away, to ignore that 'thing' that has needed to be taken to the basement for too long.   The moment of truth:  I'm not an inherently clean person.

Once dinner was done, and the Littles had been read to and soundly snuggled off to bed, I took advantage of the quiet moments to finish cleaning a bit.   As I was tiding up, the saying crossed my mind, "They will never be as little as they are today."

I imagine there will come a day when my house will no longer look as if I was expecting Hoarders to come knocking.   I suppose that eventually, my kitchen floor may only need to be swept once or twice a day, instead of 8 - 10 times like it does now.   I dusted off the sticky messes from the shelves and realized that someday there won't be juice cups everywhere, just waiting to be found.   Someday, my TV may not even bear a little hand print where my sweet daughter touched the face of her favorite Frozen snowman.   I suspect that when that day comes, I'll wish that I could turn back the clock, in spite of the mess, and have my children be innocent and small mess makers for one more day.   As I scrub away the sweet evidence of our happy lives, I resolve to embrace the chaos, while the chaos is to be had...

The longer I journey down my path of motherhood, the more I'm convinced that God ordains Holy Messes.  The messes made in the pursuit of raising kids well.  Messes that make our lives more inconvenient and less show-worthy but that spring up while we're busy focusing on what's really important.  

I'm going to work on living contented with the Holy Messes that my kids make.   I will continue to do my best every day to make my home a comfortable place for my family to exist in, but I'm not going to allow the pressure of it all to take away the joy of being my children's mom, right there in the moment with them, finding the silly thing that will send rounds of laughter echoing down my hall.

I'm going to dance like a silly lunatic every time my little daughter asks me.   I'm going to crawl around with the baby and make silly faces and blow raspberries into soft, squishy bellies.   I'm going to lay with my children, unapologetically, at nap time, with my protective arms draped around them and breathe in their sweet and sour scents.   Most of all, I'm going to work hard to form memories that they will remember forever.  They may or may not remember that Mommy had a lot of laundry to put away, or that Mommy's house wasn't always perfectly tidy, but they may remember that Mommy loved them with her whole heart and Mommy was fun.   And that is something that I think I can aspire to be...